Recovering From Infidelity: An Impossible Journey from Chaos to Connection

Naina has been married to Rakesh for 15 years. Sadly, Naina discovered the truth about her husband’s infidelity. Rakesh had been having an affair with his work colleague. Suddenly, his changed behaviors made sense. Rakesh seemed withdrawn, and disconnected from the relationship – Something he blamed on work stress. He was irritable and frustrated most of the time, blaming Naina for his bad moods, or for not being ‘understanding’ enough. His late night work calls, sudden business trips, and excessive ‘emails’ were simply cheating behaviors disguised as ‘workload’. Read more about signs your husband is cheating.

Finding out about your husband’s infidelity is equivalent to taking a bullet right through your heart – It is painful, earth-shattering, and extremely damaging.

When Naina discovered her husband’s infidelity, her world came crashing down. She went into a state of shock followed by intense anger, guilt, and shame. This whirlwind of emotions within her drove Naina into depression, and chronic stress. She lost focus on her work, felt emotionally withdrawn, and lost trust not only in her marriage, but also in herself.

As per research conducted by top relationship counsellor at Holistic Living Wellness Studio, infidelity in any relationship has far reaching consequences, and the most obvious one is a complete damage of trust. Even when couples decide to give a ‘second chance’, but fail to actively work on building trust, the relationship is likely to hit a dead end again.

These research results, then raises an important question – Is it possible to build trust after infidelity? If yes, then how?

Is it Possible to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity?

Sanjeev Mittal, head therapist and counsellor at Holistic Living Wellness Studio explains key markers that suggest the couples may have the potential to overcome infidelity, and rebuild their marriage on a much stronger foundation. These include:

A Strong Desire to Make it Work

When BOTH the partners have a strong desire to make their marriage work, then it is generally a positive indicator that they can survive infidelity, and even rebuild a better relationship. The key here is to be honest with yourself, and with your partner about what you truly feel, and want from each other.

Initial Phase of the Marriage

If the relationship started on a positive note where there was a sense of friendship, trust, and partnership then chances of recovering from infidelity are high. However, constant issues and struggle in the marriage simply reveals cracks that existed long before someone decided to cheat.

Individual Behavioral Patterns

The most important factor that decides whether a couple can survive infidelity is their individual behavioral patterns. If the cheating husband has a past of extramarital affairs, wandering eyes, or strong lustful behaviors then he is likely to repeat the cheating habit even if makes promises to change. On the other hand, if the cheating husband comes from a clean family background, holds strong values, and has a history of stable relationships then real change might be possible.

Sense of Consistent Commitment

Real change is more about consistency, and less about intensity. If a cheating husband makes sudden grand gestures, gets excessively romantic, or ‘too good’ too soon, then that is a big red flag. Efforts need to be consistent, genuine, and backed by pure intentions, only then a couple can truly recover from infidelity, and save their marriage. 

Willingness to Make Active Changes

If the cheating husband makes conscious and consistent changes in his behavior, and puts regular effort into rebuilding trust and connection then with time, your marriage can definitely feel lighter, and happier. But, if the cheating husband only promises with words, followed by no concrete actions then it is best to let go.

Capacity to Forgive Cheating Husband

It is very important to ask yourself – Can you sincerely forgive your husband’s infidelity? This includes making a conscious choice of trusting his actions, avoiding bringing up past mistakes, and extending support when he is genuinely trying to repair the marriage. 

How to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity?

When Naina discovered the truth about her cheating husband, she believed that this was the end.

End of 15 years of relationship.

End of a dream, a home, and a life they had built together.

“It was hell. I have no better word to describe it. We were separated for 6 months”

However, in these 6 months, Rakesh refused to give up on the marriage. Quietly, he started making changes within himself. He went for therapy to understand what triggered his cheating behavior, and how he can build a more resilient mindset. All this time, he respected Naina’s decision of no-contact, and gave her the space to process her feelings, and make a decision.

“When I confronted Naina about my infidelity, I saw her fall down. Something shifted inside me at that moment. I practically grew up with this woman, she had seen me at my worst, and what I did to her was completely unjustified. I had failed as a man” confesses Rakesh.

Seeing Rakesh’s consistent effort for reconciliation, Naina decided to give their love another chance. However, she remained cautious, slow, and steady in trusting Rakesh again. They even attended regular couple counselling sessions. As he became more attentive, mature, and affectionate, Naina’s walls started to come down. Together, they worked on rebuilding their marriage on mutual trust, understanding, love, and safety. 

Naina and Rakesh’s journey gives hope that relationships can survive infidelity. However, this is not based on false hope – It was only possible with consistent and genuine effort from both sides (especially Rakesh).

Expert relationship counsellor at Holistic Living Wellness Studio explains how couples can rebuild trust after infidelity, and even recreate a more solid partnership. Avail Free 10-minute consultation with certified marriage counsellors today!

A Professional Guide to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity

Step 1 to Recover from Infidelity: Honest Self-Reflection

Infidelity, or cheating is never justified. It certainly creates deep cracks within the marriage which at times become irreparable. The cheating husband must engage in honest self-reflection, and understand what led him to commit infidelity. If he is unhappy, or has found connection with someone else, then he needs to lead with honesty and walk away without giving any false hopes or promises.

However, if the cheating husband holds genuine regret, and has a strong will to make the marriage work, only then he should pursue his partner to forgive him. 

On the other hand, you must be honest with yourself. There is no need to make the decision today. You can ask for as much time, and space as you need to process your emotions and decide whether you want to stay or walk away.

This decision should not be influenced by family, or societal expectation, and even your children. It must be solely based on what you want and need from your marriage.

Write down your feelings, or consult a certified relationship counsellor who can help you untangle your thoughts, and bring much-needed clarity.

Book a Free 10-minute consultation with the best relationship counsellor near me.

Step 2 to Recover from Infidelity: Communicate More, Blame Less

Communication is everything. It is the bridge that connects you and your partner. Effective communication includes:

• Active listening
• Empathy
• Healthy response

Listen to your partner without any judgements, or assumptions. Try to build empathy, and understand where they are coming from. If you get stuck in blame games, justifications, or victim mindset, then your relationship will keep playing in a loop.

Communicate with kindness, and if you feel that things are getting too heated then take a time out. But do not get caught up in you v/s me arguments, or try to prove who is right or wrong. Remember, if you want to recover from infidelity then you must work as a team.

Also, the cheating husband should approach conversations with immense patience, and be prepared that his partner might have anger outbursts, or need for constant reassurance.  

Step 3 to Recover from Infidelity: Stop Ignoring Issues

Infidelity is unfortunate, and as mentioned above, unjustified. However, if a couple wants to ensure that it never happens again, then they need to dive deeper into their relationship dynamics. According to research studies, 80% cases of male infidelity occur when the woman is pregnant, or after childbirth. 

Such major life changes trigger feelings of isolation, abandonment or insecurities. To fulfil the void, men seek pleasure outside. This still does not justify their choice to act on their impulses and commit infidelity. But it certainly helps to understand and resolve the underlying causes of infidelity. In such cases, couples can then work with a marriage counsellor to bridge communication gaps, and learn how to prioritize their relationship.

Couples who engage in deeper work, rather than focus on just surface-level solutions have a better chance at recovering from infidelity completely. 

Step 4 to Recover from Infidelity: Revive Intimacy

Emotional and physical intimacy is the cornerstone of every lasting marriage. Once the couple have started working on improving their communication, and putting consistent effort into their marriage, and when their relationship seems stable, they can then try to rebuild intimacy. Small, yet considerate gestures such as helping out in household chores, buying small gifts without any special occasion, or holding a safe space for each other’s feelings can help build emotional intimacy. 

Physical or sexual intimacy may take time, but once a sense of safety is restored in the relationship, the couple can rekindle the romance. Plan cozy dates, cook together, go dancing, hold hands.. Be those kids in love again!

Step 5 to Recover from Infidelity: Individual Inner Work

This is the most important step if a couple truly wants to recover from infidelity, and rebuild trust. The cheating husband must engage in some serious innerwork, and cultivate immense discipline. This will take time, but the rewards are everlasting. Also, taking therapy can help you develop into a better version of yourself – one that is led by value, rather than impulses. Therapy can also help you communicate better, handle tough emotions, and heal past traumas that keep you stuck in your unhealthy behaviors.

The other partner too should engage in innerwork. It is important to process your emotions, and find a healthy outlet to express and release them. Please don’t pretend that you are ‘fine’.. Ignoring your mental well-being can be temporarily relieving, but in the long run, it can never benefit you or your relationship. It is advised to take therapy to heal from the pain, and find the strength to forgive, and let go.

Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a long journey that requires consistent effort, strong will, real commitment, forgiveness, and patience. If the couple follows these 5 steps, then surely they will be able to overcome infidelity, rebuild trust and restore their connection. 

How Can Marriage Counselling Help to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity 

Recovering from infidelity is hard, but many couples have overcome that painful phase, and even rebuild a much happier, healthier relationship. However, that takes a lot of work. And sometimes, doing that work alone can be difficult, exhausting, and confusing. Therefore, consulting a certified marriage counsellor can be a wise step if you and your partner truly want to make your marriage work against all odds. 

Here is how marriage counselling can help to rebuild trust after infidelity:

• A safe space where you can openly discuss your relationships, emotions, and concerns without feeling judged or criticized. No unwanted opinions, excessive interference or biased advice. These open discussions facilitate deep clarity and understanding about your relationship, and what both partners honestly wish to do ahead.

• Marriage counselling offers tools and resources that help to improve communication and empathy. Practices like roleplays, empty chair, love maps etc are highly effective in restoring the connection, and bringing both partners closer at mental, emotional, and physical level.

• Marriage counsellors at Holistic Living Wellness Studio follow a holistic approach where they focus not just on the relationship dynamics, but also individual selves. They inculcate alternative therapy and healing practices like Hypnosis, Past Life Regression Therapy and Energy Healing to create deep-rooted transformation at a personal level, and show up as better individuals in their relationships.

“So much of me healed during those therapy sessions. It was a remarkable shift in how I think, behave, and react in my relationship. Looking back, I feel marriage counselling was the best decision we made because it gave us the power to save our relationship” says Rakesh, who took therapy sessions from Mr. Sanjeev Mittal at Holistic Living Wellness Studio.

The post How to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity: Expert Guide first appeared on The Holistic Living.