A covert narcissist is dangerous. They are wolves disguised as sheep, possessing all the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in a subtle and less obvious way.

It is often difficult to spot a covert narcissist. But don’t worry! This article is your complete and trusted guide to uncovering a covert narcissist and steering clear of the danger.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition characterized by:

A) Exaggerated self-importance

B) Lack of empathy or compassion

C) Possess a sense of entitlement

D) Exploit and manipulate others

E) Arrogant & haughty behaviors

F) Constant need for admiration

G) Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, etc

Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be ‘treated’. However, with regular therapy traits of narcissism can be managed.

Read: Can A Narcissist Change?

What Is Covert Narcissism?

Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable or hypersensitive narcissism is a less obvious form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Or, we could say a disguised form of NPD.

Recognizing a covert narcissist can be challenging because these individuals often mask their narcissistic traits behind a pretense of modesty or introversion, making their behaviors less recognizable as compared to overt narcissists.

Signs of Covert Narcissist

Here are the top 9 signs that will help you identify a covert narcissist:

1. Social Withdrawal and Shyness

Covert narcissists tend to avoid large social gatherings and may appear shy or reserved. They often feel uncomfortable in social situations where they are not the center of attention or where they might be exposed to criticism.

2. Self-reflection and Sensitivity

They are highly self-reflective and sensitive to criticism. Any perceived slight or criticism can be deeply wounding, leading to a preoccupation with their own thoughts and feelings. This sensitivity can result in them withdrawing from social interactions to avoid potential negative feedback.

3. Perceived Inferiority and Victimhood

Despite their narcissistic traits, covert narcissists often feel inferior and may adopt a victim mentality. They might believe that others do not recognize their true worth or that they are constantly misunderstood. This perceived inferiority fuels their introverted behavior, as they seek to protect themselves from further perceived harm.

4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Instead of confronting issues directly, covert narcissists might use passive-aggressive tactics. For instance, they may sulk, give backhanded compliments, or engage in silent treatment. This indirect approach allows them to maintain a facade of introversion while still attempting to manipulate or control situations.

5. Fantasy Life

Covert narcissists often retreat into a rich fantasy life where they envision themselves achieving great success, power, or admiration. These fantasies serve as a coping mechanism for their feelings of inadequacy and can be a source of comfort. Their introversion can be a result of preferring these internal fantasies over real-world interactions.

6. Selective Relationships

They tend to form relationships with people who reinforce their self-image or validate their feelings of specialness. These relationships are often one-sided, with the covert narcissist receiving more emotional support than they give. Their introversion may be a way to control the dynamics of their relationships more carefully.

7. Subdued Grandiosity

Unlike overt narcissists, who are outwardly boastful and attention-seeking, covert narcissists exhibit their grandiosity in more subtle ways. They might express it through a quiet sense of superiority or a belief that they are unique and special, but this is often kept hidden behind a modest or humble exterior.

8. Depression and Anxiety

Due to their sensitivity and perceived inadequacies, covert narcissists are more prone to depression and anxiety. Their introverted nature may exacerbate these feelings, as they internalize their struggles and may avoid seeking help or support.

It can be challenging to spot a covert narcissist as these signs are often subdued. In such cases, it can be helpful to talk to a therapist to gain better clarity and understanding about narcissism.

Covert Narcissist In Relationships

Covert narcissist often plays the victim role in their relationships, and portray their partners as the villain. Nothing is ever their fault. They are simply little kittens used and abused by the world around them. Consequently, they seldom take responsibility for their actions and are quick to blame their partners.

Covert narcissists cannot tolerate confrontations or criticism. Rather than direct confrontation, covert narcissists often express displeasure through passive-aggressive actions such as silent treatment, subtle insults, or backhanded compliments.

These individuals need constant reassurance and validation. They fish for compliments or create situations where their partner is expected to boost their ego. They might exhibit irrational jealousy and envy, feeling threatened by their partner’s successes or relationships with others. This could lead to controlling behaviors, or creating tantrums whenever their partner seems happy ‘without’ them.

A covert would engage in charities and other altruistic acts. However, admiration and entitlement are the real intentions behind any kind of kindness. It also serves as a manipulative tactic to create a sense of obligation toward them.

They expect their partners to manage their emotional states without any reciprocation. Everything needs to be at their convenience. Over time, this can drain you out and make you emotionally numb.

Being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is a confusing and exhausting experience. Their manipulation and victim mindset begin to distort your reality and erode your self-esteem.

Read: How I Recovered From Narcissitic Abuse

How To Deal With A Covert Narcissist

Therapy is the only concrete way to deal with a narcissist. Here is why:

Better Clarity

Narcissists are clever individuals. Their manipulative tactics including gaslighting, stonewalling, etc can create a brain fog or make you emotionally numb. It can get challenging to see the real picture, keeping you stuck in the unhealthy equation.

Talking to a therapist helps to process the emotions, untangle your thoughts, and give you clarity on what is happening. A therapist listens attentively, holds zero judgments, and communicates genuine empathy, helping you prioritize your feelings and make sense of the relationship.

Techniques & Strategies

Dealing with a narcissist can do deep-rooted damage to your mental well-being. Take the example of Mehak. She experienced ‘random’ panic attacks, not understanding why. Even after she left the narcissistic relationship, she could not function well.

This was because she had buried a lot of pain, hurt, and anger inside her. These unprocessed emotions caused anxiety and panic. In therapy, she learned how to release the blocked emotions and free herself from the chronic anxiety.

Many different therapeutic modalities can help to manage/overcome narcissistic abuse. These include CBT, REBT, DBT, Hypnotherapy etc.

At Holistic Living Wellness Center we go beyond the mind and focus on the spiritual aspects of self as well. Our approach is highly integrative, helping you heal from the abuse at a mind, body, and soul level. These therapeutic modalities combined with healing practices give you the power to overcome narcissistic abuse and change your life.

Support & Guidance

Most victims of narcissistic abuse have a weak support system. Either the narcissist isolates them from others or creates a false narrative of being the victim. This can leave them feeling misunderstood, lonely, and doubting their own judgments.

This is where a therapist can lend a helping hand. The therapist provides genuine support and understanding. He or she listens intently and validates their experiences. This can be highly relieving and rewarding for victims of narcissistic abuse.

Independence

The ultimate goal of therapy is to help you become independent and deal with challenges on your own. Being with a covert narcissist can deplete your sense of self, and make you neglect your needs. In therapy, you will learn how to firmly set boundaries and prioritize self-care.

Recognize & Break Patterns

One of the most important aspects of therapy is recognizing any dysfunctional beliefs or patterns that you might be having. For instance, someone with a narcissistic parent is likely to attract a narcissistic partner. Or, someone with low self-esteem will put up with narcissistic manipulation.

Understanding your roots can helo to modify your mindset and transform you into stronger and self-assured individual. So, in future if you ever encounter a narcissist, you can quickly turn away and save yourself.

The Holistic Living Wellness Studio

The Holistic Living Wellness Studio is a renowed Therapy, Counseling & Healing Center in Chembur, Bandra – Mumbai. We have qualified, trusted, and higly experienced therapists who can help you overcome the narcssitic abuse and regain control over your life.

To book a session Call/WhatsApp 91-9321073548 or Click This Link. Visit The Holistic Living Wellness Studio in Chembur and Bandra.

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