Dr. Raquel Martin, PhD, is this week’s guest on the Mompreneurs podcast. Dr. Martin sat down with Mompreneurs host Nancy Redd to discuss mental health, motherhood, and how they impact one another. The professor, researcher, and mother of two shared her perspective on parenting and explained why her children are not her entire world.

As a licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Martin uses her platform to champion Black mental health and advance the conversation.

“Something I try to do every single day is make Black people in the community — he, she, and they — feel seen.”

“The best thing about social media is that I’m able to provide psychoeducation, and it’s centered in the Black experience. If you’re not a Black person, it doesn’t mean that my platform isn’t for you. It may be helpful for you, but this platform prioritizes Black people.”

‘My home is always going to be a soft place for my children to land.’

Dr. Martin acknowledged the unique experience that is parenting Black children.

“I would never treat my children or my husband the way that the world does, because I think we can all, as Black people, understand that our people deserve better. The world is tough, so my home is always going to be a soft place for my children and my husband to land.”

“One of the things that’s stolen from Black children are freedoms. Freedom to be carefree, freedom to be themselves in school. Freedom to wear their hair the way they want, freedom to wear their clothes the way they want.”

“I want my children to be so steeped in respect, accountability, and critical thinking, that as soon as they’re in an environment where it seems disrespectful — like they’re being stereotyped, like there’s no accountability around them — their alarms go off, because they’re so used to what respect feels like.”

The problem with authoritarian parenting

Dr. Martin explained why authoritarian parenting and corporal punishment fail to teach children about respect and healthy relationships.

“Obedience builds fear. Respect builds relationships.”

“So you were annoyed at your child screaming because it’s annoying. But you got so angry that you couldn’t control yourself, and you expected them to control themselves. And you’re what, 20, 30, 40, and you’re expecting a four, five, six-year-old to be able to do something that you couldn’t even do?”

“So now you’re going to put your hands on them and you’re gonna hope that they never make that decision again. It doesn’t work. You’re severing your relationship with your children … We need to learn that love doesn’t require suffering.”

“If I wouldn’t let you hit my child, why am I doing it? Children learn to model that aspect in relationships, and they learn to not be able to see outside unhealthiness because it was their norm. (For example, a person might say) ‘I’m used to being screamed at constantly by somebody who loved me the most, so yes, my partner does scream at me and it’s normal.’ All of this starts from parenting.”

Thoughts on motherhood

Dr. Martin is mindful of the fact that her world does not revolve around her children. As a mompreneur, she believes it is healthy for parents to also place importance on other areas of their lives.

“My children are not my entire world. We have a galaxy, and they’re one of the planets that are in the orbit. It’s healthy for women to realize that it’s not appropriate for them to be your entire world. Children also need to see parents prioritize things other than them.”

Also, in this episode of the Mompreneurs podcast, Dr. Raquel Martin gave her thoughts on gentle parenting, toxic positivity, and giving birth.

Catch new episodes of ‘Mompreneurs’ every week.

Every week, we celebrate beautiful Black entrepreneurs who are simultaneously amazing business moguls and awesome moms. We listen to their life stories and inspiring advice. Catch new episodes of Mompreneurs every Monday on MadameNoire’s YouTube channel. Or listen to the podcast online at Urban1Podcasts.com.

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